Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Hello!!!

I have been away for away for a few months:) It was good to be away... However I have been wanting to post pictures and happenings on my family for a few weeks. Ethan and Ella are growing so fast and I love going back and reading old post. Well if I don't blog there will be no "going" back to read and see those sweet faces:)
We have had a busy summer and it really is hard to believe its Fall again. I normally love Fall and everything that goes along with it; sweaters, jeans, boots, hoodies, hot coffee, fires, windows open, leaves changing, cooler temps, football. It just seems that I am not ready to move into another season just yet. We have settled into a routine of preschool, bible study, awana, and gymnastics but still feel like I am not quite ready for Fall to move in or is it move on? Move on without our third child, our son. I often feel like something is missing as I pile us into the car or pack bags for the kids. My heart misses him, my soul longs for my third child. I know its Elias who is missing from our family. Another anniversary, another day, another month, another year without our baby. He has a part of my heart, my being that yearns for me to have him with us. I trust that everything works for Gods good and that His glory and goodness continues to flow out of me because of that trust. We hope for a future spent with Him and Elias. God is working on my heart to continue to take steps everyday toward Him, to deepen my trust, for my flesh to decrease and Him increase. Most days that is easy and others I struggle. Struggle with the whys and why nots, struggle with desiring to have a baby in our family and the fact we do not, struggling with the pain of my empty arms that can't be seen. That pain comes in many forms and range hourly, daily or weekly! The pain and loss seem heavy this week but I know that the good days are coming....Thank You Jesus!!!


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