Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Wednesday

Today we met with the doctor concerning the pathology report that indicated a balanced trans location of chromosomes. I have a better understanding of what the report meant and I have a deeper meaning that it all does not matter anyway. God is ultimately in control in my world and genetics really don't matter. Our docs assistant called us back this afternoon and our insurance would cover the needed lab work to find out for sure if we are carriers of this trans location. With a balanced trans location people can be healthy and have no known issues. However some peoples bodies can not recognize the trans location which would result in a miscarriage. Our doc explained it like this; our 46 chromosomes are like a novel, 46 chapters and someone with a balanced trans locations novel might read 1,2,3,5,6,4,7,8,11,13,9... where someone without this would read in numerical order. As long as all the pieces are there most cells can figure it out but like I said if not this would result in a miscarriage. Now all of this was very interesting but it still does not matter. First God is in control. He provides the strength, hope, love and mercy for my life. Second,my sweet son is still not here with us. All the test, reasons or no reasons, he is gone to be with Jesus. We are trying to finalize his headstone; what will it say? will it ever be just right? As I was researching and finding all these sweet stones, I overcame with emotion. There is something that just does not feel right, we should not be looking up stones for our son. I had to stop. Another day. I know I have to do this, this is one thing I want done as soon as we finish paying for it. But not today. I learned of a family in Kansas that had their daughter last Monday who was born with anencephaly. She just passed away last night. 8 days! Most anencephalic babies do not even get the opportunity for one minute because parents choose to terminate their pregnancies. 8 days. My heart breaks for this family. My heart breaks for all families who have to say goodbye before they even begin to say hello. My heat breaks for my family. Our journey has not ended, our lives are still being transformed though this one sweet little life.
"But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation." Psalm 13:5

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