Monday, May 16, 2011

Happy Sad

Yesterday was a sad day. Today was a happy one. Its amazing how this roller coaster is so crazy.
I still did not sleep very well last night but woke up ready for a fun day with the kids. We started at the doctors office because Ella has a little eye blockage. She has had a blocked tear duct since she was born and we just saw an optometrist last week where he suggested do a quick, easy surgery to open the duct. She has to go under anesthesia, it just seem like a lot. Corey and I are going to wait a few weeks and see how we feel after that about it. We got more eye drops today and hoping her eye will look better tomorrow. After the doctor we headed home to pack a quick lunch, grab a stroller and head to the zoo for an impromptu zoo and picnic outing with our friends. It was a beautiful sunny day, a little breezy, but great for a stroll in the zoo. The kids had a blast, loved having a picnic and playing on the playground. We rounded out our afternoon with naps. We grilled out for dinner and enjoyed Dairy Queen for dessert. We stopped by the cemetery on our way to DQ and lately every time I think of Elias my arms physically feel heavy. I can feel him in my arms. The cemetery looks beautiful with lots of flowers, mowed green grass, spring has arrived.
Last week we had an appointment with our delivery doctor regarding a tissue report they had done on the cord and the results. The results were a surprise when we found out a few weeks ago. The pathology report showed chromosomal abnormalities on three chromosomes. These abnormalities had nothing to do with his anencephaly. Our doctor recommended genetic counseling or pulling of Corey and my chromosomes to see which one of us could be a carrier. However there is a chance that we are perfect. The doctor said she was very discouraged and shocked to get this report. Us having two healthy children and no known genetic disorders. We will meet with a genetic counselor next Wednesday for a consultation. I am really trying to process all of this. I ultimately know that God is going to give me the grace, strength and hope to get through whatever lies ahead. Corey and I are constantly in discussion and prayer about more kids and what that might be for us. If we decide that we are feeling lead to have more kids, we will try to have more kids. I know that deep in my heart I do not want another anencephalic baby or any other defect, I want a healthy child but that might not be in my story. God might not choose to bless us with more children either, even if we think we are being lead to have more children. My biggest prayer is to not let genetics get in the way. We may decide to only meet with the genetics and not follow through with any blood work. We do have some questions that our doctor felt that the genetics would be better to answer. God knows my genetics, He knows my past and my future, He is the creator. How awesome that I can give these burdens to Him and He has and will carry them! I have been having to lay down my heart, my sins, my worry, my anxiousness daily but I give them to Him. I can not do this alone.
"If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me." Luke 9:23

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