Elias would be 8 weeks old tomorrow. 8 weeks, where has the time gone?
We spent our week hanging out at home. We did some cleaning, organizing and lots of playing. Two weeks ago I decided that we were watching way too much TV during the day. It had become a convenient way for me to do what I felt like I needed to do and not interact with our kiddos. Prior to these weeks we tried to watch one show or program a day. Now we are not big movie people so it was usually something on PBS, which is somewhat educational:) Or at least that is what I tell myself. Since Elias was born we probably were watching three or four programs a day! Yikes! So we have turned the TV off and it has been great for me and the kids. Its like we reconnected. Our days consist of book reading, worship time, coloring, playdoh, painting, hide and seek, walks, swinging, imaginary play with our little people, trains, kitchen set or baby dolls. Turning off the TV has meant for more intentional parenting on my part. I have been reminded of why I am at home. Not to organize and clean but to raise our children to love and obey our Lord and Savior. God is teaching me so much about myself and my selfish ways and refocusing on Him, my husband and our children.
I am speaking at our woman's ministry event at the end of April. God laid an outline on my heart and I have been trying to fill in the pieces. I am not a public speaker by nature but I know that this is a God given opportunity. An opportunity to show how God has truly carried me through my journey of carrying Elias, how he has taught me and continues to teach me so much about myself. An opportunity to share and show God's love, hope, and grace. If you think of it will you pray that I share God's words and not my own?
Time continues to pass. I have been struggling with this. I am trying to hold onto the time like I have control. I don't want to forget. I don't want to stop hurting. I don't want days to go by where Elias is not thought of. I am scared as time goes on that he will be lost, forgotten. Elias has a part of my heart that will never belong to someone or something else but I am still afraid. But how could a mother forget losing her precious son?
He Maketh No Mistake
My Fathers's way may twist and turn
My heart may throb and ache
But in my soul I'm glad I know
He maketh no mistake
My cherished plans may go astray,
My hopes may fade away.
But still I'll trust my Lord to lead,
For he doth know the way.
Though night be dark and it may seem
that day will never break.
I'll pin my faith,my all in Him.
He maketh no mistake.
There's so much now I cannot see,
My eyesight's too far dim;
But come what may,I'll surely trust
And leave it all to Him.
For by and by the mist will lift
And plain it all He'll make;
Through all the way, though dark to me,
He made not one mistake.