Saturday, March 12, 2011

Visiting

Two post in one day. There are times of rejoicing and praising the Lord for all He has given us and done in our lives, and then there are times of grief and sorrow. How quickly those times can come and go.
Corey and I headed out this afternoon to run some errands. One of those errands would be to visit Elias grave site and put some flowers on it. There is no headstone yet because they do not place them until the ground and weather is better, and I wanted something there. On a side note I have only been to his grave once, and that one time there was snow on the ground which made it difficult to see anything. It's not that I haven't wanted to visit the cemetery, but that it is much easier for me to see pictures of Elias living and thinking of how he is in heaven. We headed to Hobby Lobby in hopes to find something to place on his grave in lieu of his headstone. We found some perfect white daisy's and a pinwheel of a flower to place in the ground. I get so excited when we get to buy something for Elias or in memory of him. It makes me feel like I am his mother, that he is my child, and that I am taking care of him. On our way back to the cemetery, we noticed a sign posted that clean up would be on 3/15 and anything not removed off of a grave would be thrown away. I was so disappointed, so sad that I could not give Elias his prize today. We continued to Elias grave, but my excitement of going there turned to sadness. Sadness that he is not here with us, difficulties in helping Ethan realize that Elias is not here but this is a way to remember him. To get back to the cemetery it is a long road filled with lots of pine trees. I love this drive. Growing up when Mom would take us to visit Dad, we would roll down the windows on this drive and soak in the smells of the trees. While driving down the road this afternoon the sun started to shine briefly through the clouds. I could feel God whispering as if to say that it is okay, Elias is okay. He is perfect, he is well taken care of. He needs no prize, he has the best prize. The best prize of living with the Father. The Father who has promised so much to so many. I rest in all of those promises. Despite these promises I still have the need to be Elias mommy, take care of him, nurture him, love him. Despite knowing that he is in Heaven and no longer needs me, I will still continue to show my love for him by sharing his story, buying things in memory of him, and remembering how he has done so much for me, his mother, in his short life. We love you sweet little Elias!!! Your prize is coming soon...

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