Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Long Week

This week seems to be going by so slowly. Our week is filled with doctors appointments, play dates and a girls night, but time is moving so slowly. The last few weeks have flown by and now it has stopped. I like to be busy. I like to be busy and cross things off my list, but maybe God has something different in store? Is time slowing down so I can actually think or maybe feel? I just started going through a devotional about losing a child and the first few are about hide and seek. It hit my heart right on the mark. Kind of scary, but just what I needed and wanted. It talks about hiding your feelings so well that you may think others do not notice, but how long can you stash that silent heartache? God has been opening doors for me to share that heartache, and has been wanting me to step through them. As much as I really want to hide behind the door I have decided to step through. God calls us to obedient and I am choosing to obey.
There are so many moments that the heartache fills up inside of me and wants to cry out. However, those moments seem to come at inconvenient times. Like right before I am supposed to see someone whom I might not feel is the right person to be sobbing too. But maybe I am? Maybe this person needs to see the rawness of this journey, needs to see God's love. Despite the fact that I feel that I am being obedient to the doors God has opened, I also feel that I may be missing other areas of my life that He is trying to work on. What else do I need to let go of? I am not sure I have an answer tonight, but the Lord is continuing to strengthen and mature me. I turn to Him. I give it to Him. Whatever those areas are, I pray I am obedient and allow Him to mold me into the person He wants me to become.

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