Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Ready?

Its hard to say exactly what has been going on emotionally for me the last couple of weeks, but it has come with peace. God has continued to extended his peace to me just as he has since Corey and I found out about Elias condition. Peace that God is in control and that he knows everything!
"You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3
Two nights ago I woke to having contractions. The contractions continued for about four and half hours every eight to ten minutes until my body gave in and feel asleep. During these hours I was feeling desperate, scared, and so nervous. I had no bag packed or real set plan for the kids. I was not yet completely ready. However, I feel God was preparing me to be ready when the time comes to meet Elias. I just kept thinking how am I going to be able to let go of him? The Holy Spirit just kept knocking on my heart that God hears me, he is all knowing; and his time is perfect. "I waited patiently for the Lord; And He inclined to me, And heard my cry." Psalm 40:1
So, we have not yet met Elias. We wait. I wait in joy, sadness, scaredness, nervousness, numbness and most of all I wait patiently. Its hard to imagine the events of the next few weeks and how everything from his delivery to passing to the funeral to the burial will go. It is in God's hands and we will rest in that promise. But I am not sure how I will ever be able to let Elias go? I just keep having this vision of a nurse or someone taking him from me and me begging for a bit longer with him. I can not let go, not yet. Praying for a miracle!
"But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God, That I may declare all Your works." Psalm 73:28
"Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; Blesses are all those who wait for Him."Isaiah 30:18

3 comments:

GroverStyle said...

There are no words to say that can make what you are going through any easier at this very moment. I remember the feelings exactly. The emotions. The fear. The nervousness. The weakness in my body as I clung to Jesus Christ and His promises like never before. Begging and pleading for a miracle. Crying out for peace. Silently screaming for deliverance.
You are a strong woman Jessica. Strong because the power of the Lord lives in you. His power will bring you through what the next days hold. His love will give you comfort. His soft embrace will hold you tight. His gentle hands will catch each tear.
HIs people will lift you up in prayer. He will guide you in the dark and eventually turn your mourning into dancing. He is good and faithful and true.
I know that you know and believe that.
I will be lifting your sweet Elias up to the throne of grace in the days to come. Praying and begging and asking for His peace for you. Thank you for being willing to share your raw heart with the world. You are beautiful.

Anitra said...

Jess, I am on my knees crying out to God, begging Him for a miracle (that I know He can do) right along side you. Praying that He will fill you with peace and give you strength in these coming days. Praying that you will be able to rest in His arms and relax in the fact that He knows how long you need, yet asking for it to be many years. Thanking Him for His Word and how it sustains us. I love you girl! You are an amazing woman of God!

MinaMarie said...

Jessica:
I know we do not know eachother well and because of that I feel like I do not even have the right to comment or say anything. For months I have been trying to figure out how as only an aquaintance to show my support and Christian love. All I know to do is to tell you I am praying for you, praising God because of you and your love for Him, and crying out on behalf of you.
My heart breaks and cries and aches for the path God has you on right now. Yet at the same time I am filled with joy as you continue (without ceasing) to point everyone around you back to Jesus! You are bringing God so much glory with the way you are handling everything.
Jessica, as GroverStyle said, "there are no words to say that can make what you are going through any easier at this very moment." Please know you offer great inspiration and encouragement to handle the hard things in life with grace and love and complete dedication to our God. All His promises are true and it is such a blessing to watch you rest in them. God has, is, and will continue to use you in mighty ways to further His kingdom.
I am so sorry for your pain!!!! Thank you for sharing your life and for bringing glory to our amazing Father in Heaven. I will continue to cry out for you and join you in praying for a miracle.
With much sadness, joy, and Christian love!