Its hard to say exactly what has been going on emotionally for me the last couple of weeks, but it has come with peace. God has continued to extended his peace to me just as he has since Corey and I found out about Elias condition. Peace that God is in control and that he knows everything!
"You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3
Two nights ago I woke to having contractions. The contractions continued for about four and half hours every eight to ten minutes until my body gave in and feel asleep. During these hours I was feeling desperate, scared, and so nervous. I had no bag packed or real set plan for the kids. I was not yet completely ready. However, I feel God was preparing me to be ready when the time comes to meet Elias. I just kept thinking how am I going to be able to let go of him? The Holy Spirit just kept knocking on my heart that God hears me, he is all knowing; and his time is perfect. "I waited patiently for the Lord; And He inclined to me, And heard my cry." Psalm 40:1
So, we have not yet met Elias. We wait. I wait in joy, sadness, scaredness, nervousness, numbness and most of all I wait patiently. Its hard to imagine the events of the next few weeks and how everything from his delivery to passing to the funeral to the burial will go. It is in God's hands and we will rest in that promise. But I am not sure how I will ever be able to let Elias go? I just keep having this vision of a nurse or someone taking him from me and me begging for a bit longer with him. I can not let go, not yet. Praying for a miracle!
"But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God, That I may declare all Your works." Psalm 73:28
"Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; Blesses are all those who wait for Him."Isaiah 30:18