Thursday, December 30, 2010

Heartache and Hopefulness

My heart is aching more than ever for our sweet Elias. My heart aches for the perfect little boy he is in my eyes. How his big brother and big sister already adore him so much and the fact they will only be able to show him that adoration briefly. I ache for the unknown; how long will he live, will he be able to eat, will he come home, will we meet him alive. My heart aches for all of the things I will miss as a mom- hugs, kisses, naps with a sweet newborn, first words, funny faces, family portraits, birthdays, holidays, and every other milestone I savor with my children. Elias is so prefect its hard to understand but he will be too perfect to stay.
My heart is also hopeful. Hopeful that God might heal Elias and he will be part of the family here on Earth.
"I wait on the Lord, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope." Psalm 130:5

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Elias 12.15 Ultrasound

Last night was our last ultrasound at The Miracle In Me in Niles. It was a little sad to know we were not coming back and a little nerve racking to know the next time we see Elias will be when he is born. We got some awesome pictures of him tonight. He was not covering his face as much as he had done in the past. Our tech took 95 pictures of him! She said normally they take 50-60 but he was being too cute she had to keep taking them. It has been an amazing experience to be able to do these ultrasounds, and I am so thankful this place is here.

Corey and I are working on our birth plan to give to the doctors this Monday. It will be a good opportunity to get alot of the details on paper to share with our team at the hospital. There are so many things to think about and desisions to make in regards to delivery and after. Pray that Corey and I can find some peace while trying to put this together.
There are good days and difficult days; that's the only way to describe this process. I am strong because of my reliance on the Lord, but sad because I do not want to let go. I am not ready to let go and I am glad that time has not yet come. Elias is moving and kicking all day and night and with every kick I am amazed by God's creation. He has given me moments with Elias that no one else will ever understand or get to experience. I am thankful to be Elias' mommy. I have been challenged the last few weeks more than ever to be a stronger woman of faith. The Lord is teaching Corey and I many things through this process. I have felt I was lost in translation the last few months and I am ready to step out and try to hear and DO what God is calling me to do.

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted on earth!"
Psalm 46:10

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Messy Jesse

This was my "nickname" growing up. Mostly this came from my family, maybe that is why I am such a germaphobe, clean freak now:)! Kind of awful you might think? Maybe not. I think we are all messy. Messy in the sense that we are all sinners and that it does not matter how big of a clean freak or germaphobe you are; we are all "messy" in light of eternity. There are many things people try to do to remove their messiness, possibly in a job/work, family, money, hobbies. The truth is the only way to get rid of that messiness is to understand and accept the truth and promises of our Lord. We must be cleansed with the blood of Jesus Christ who died on the cross for our sins. For ALL of our messiness is sinfulness. I am so thankful for my Lord and savior. Many people have asked as we walk through this time with Elias how we can be so strong. I am not strong, it is he who strengthens me. For I could not do this without him!
"For you formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my sould knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. "

Psalm 139 13-16

Friday, December 3, 2010

Elias Ultrasound 11.17.10

These ultra sound pictures are of our latest 3D ultrasound done on November 17th. It was amazing to see how much he had grown and just how perfect everything about him was. He was very active but we were able to get some really good shots. We have our last ultrasound next week and I am even more excited to see how big he has gotten.

Every Good and Perfect Gift comes from above. James 1:17

Our Family

We carved our first family pumpkin this year. Growing up we always carved pumpkins and I always disliked cleaning the pumpkins out. I think I have passed my dislike onto Ethan. Ella was all about getting dirty and slimy, while Ethan watched from a safe distance. We have started a tradition that I hope to uphold for my kids.
Just some random shots of our growing kids. They love to color, glue and paint anytime I have the patience too:) Since Ella began walking a few months ago Ethan and Ella have been playing more together which is super cute to watch. I had to add in the picture of Ella with a baton. For those of you who do not know I twirled for most of my growing up and one of my baton coaches got this for her when she was born, who knows or not if she will be a future twirler!:)!

I wonder if her Mom talks on the phone a lot???:)!!! The other morning I was talking to my sister and the whole time I talked Ella talked, it was super cute. She was having a pretty meaningful conversation with someone:)