Corey and I were blessed to be able to have a 4D ultrasound done this past week. We thought this would be a perfect way to meet our little guy and bond in an unique way. Thanks to the "Woman of Grace Church" and their generosity in giving us a gift certificate to "The Miracle in Me-4D Ultrasound", we now have very special memories of our little boy that we will have for the rest of our lives. I was prepared for the worst, but was hoping for the best in regards to the severity of his anencephaly. It was pretty clear that at this point, God has not decided to do a miracle as the physical affects of anencephaly were very present. Despite the findings, I was still amazed by his perfect hands, feet, and the rest of his perfectly created body. He was very active which made the experience that much more special. There is no question that Elias is a divinely created life, made perfect by God. The ultra sound made everything so much more real for me, and I reminded myself that Elias is a gift from our Lord brought into our life for a special reason. HE is ALL knowing and is working in our hearts to be able to let him go when that time comes. I love Elias so much, and I want God to be glorified through his life. I am praying for God's will whatever that might be. Miralce or no miracle, I will rest in his comfort and protection. I had the opportunity last night to attend "Night with the Chapmans" featuring Steven Curtis Chapman, his two sons and his wife. Two years ago they lost their daughter in a tragic accident at their home. This family has rallied together around Christ and each other to live for His will. Steven Curtis Chapmans son, Caleb, spoke of a dream he had shortly after his sister had passed. In this dream, he was looking at a painting which when viewed up close was very blury. As he moved farther away from the painting, parts of the painting became clear. He paralled this dream to their family situation and realized that the farther they got away from the day of the accident the more clearer this painting was becoming. They will never see all the details of the painting until they are walking with Jesus Christ in Heaven. Only then will they be able to see what a beautiful painting God created through the loss of their child, sister and friend. I thought this was a perfect image of what we all might walk through in life and how God will allow us to completely see the glory in it when we reach Him. It was a great night of worship, tears and laughter. I am so blessed with an amazing group of friends, unsure of what I would do without them.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
We had a doctor appointment yesterday. There are not any new concerns, and everything is going well. My blood pressure was perfect, and I am measuring right for 23 weeks. Corey and I had some questions as to what the delivery process would be like because of the many scenarios that could be played out. This is where most of my anxiety is held as you could understand. The doc told us that the likelihood of Elias being born alive was very good, and that there was a good chance he would come home with us. This was kind of a shock to us as we assumed he would only live a few moments, hours, or day. Because he has been so active, I do feel as though we would be able to meet him, and share what time God will give us. We were not mentally prepared for him to come home. I am unsure how I feel about all of this. It is a bit scary and overwhelming. One of my concerns is our children and how much harder this will be for them to understand. Another concern is the fasion in which God will call Elias home. Babies with anencephaly have difficulty eating because they have a hard time learning to swallow which would be a determination of Elias coming home with us. Our doctor felt that our questions would be better answered by the neonatologist at St. Joseph Regional Medical Center where we will deliver. We will have a meeting with our doctor and him in the next couple of weeks so that he can inform of us of all the various scenarios. Other than the unknown I am physically feeling good and the pregnancy is progressing perfectly.
Friday, October 15, 2010
I have wanted to share for days how humbled I have felt over and over again over the last few weeks. It first began as Corey and I learned about the journey God was about to carry us through. I felt so overwhelmed by learning God was choosing our family to be his servant to carry Elias, to learn how to completely let go of Elias and give him back to God; and to allow His will and timing to happen. Despite feeling so overwhelmed I continue to have a peace that God will be glorified and that we will be able to show God's love to people around us. Over the last few weeks the amount of people that have offered help, prayer, and support has seriously been amazing! People whom we have not yet had the opportunity to meet are praying. I am humbled by God's choice of me, and I am humbled by the people who have come along side us with prayer and support. I feel as though what we are choosing, life for our son, would be no different than what others would choose for their own children. The only difference being that we know we have to selflessly let go and let God call him home at His divinely appointed time. I am beginning to think that there isn't a way to completely prepare for this. I am thankful that God has given us this time to get to know Elias - love him, talk to him, sing to him, pray for him and with him. Despite all this time there seems as if there is no way my heart or mind can process what will happen when its time for God to call him home. Although there are many unknowns for us, I know my Lord knows ALL and I rest in that. I know there are so many people praying for us and those prayers are being felt daily. I believe by those prayers we have been given the strength we need to continue each day. I am so thankful for your willingness to pray continuously and faithfully.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Ella turned one years old on 9/21!!! She is getting so big by her standards. She is eating table food all of the time and has started walking this week! Let the new adventures begin:)! She is a very curious little girl eating anything she can find; rocks, grass, dirt, crumbs, paper and literally any little piece of anything. She is trying really hard to talk and can say; Momma, Dadda, Ethan, juice, cup and cat. She is a cute and sweet little girl who loves to be rocked. She brings such joy to all of our lives! Happy Birthday sweet Ella!!!!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Have you ever heard this phrase before? I heard it a lot growing up. In fact, I heard it so much, it could have been our family motto?! The last five days I have been really sick with a sinus/ear infection. Even after delivering two kids, I still have no pain tolerance and a sinus infection can wipe me out. I always think I have never been this sick, but really, this time I don't think I have been this sick in a long time. It all started Thursday night with terrible body aches, waking up to a sore throat and fever. I decided to go to the doctor that day because I have been so run down due to not sleeping well and just everything. I never get strep; but yep, you got it, strep it is. The doctor prescribed amoxicillin, and I was ready to give it 24 hrs. and be back to normal. Well, on Sunday my throat started to feel a little better; however, a little ear ache came my way which has ended up to be a horrible ear infection, ozzy and all. I called the doctor Monday because obviously the antibiotic wasn't working. The doctor switched me over to augmentin which I hope is going to help me feel better by tomorrow morning. I just need to get a good nights rest, whatever that means now, and I think I will feel better. Despite thinking this is the worst I have ever felt, I am reminded of our Saviour and the price he paid for me. "No Pain No Gain". I am not sure this would have been Jesus motto, but I do believe he knew what we would gain through his pain. I am reminded of one of my favorite songs "How Deep The Fathers Love For Us". This song paints a perfect picture of how much our Heavenly Father loves and cares for us.How Deep the Father's Love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That he would give his only Son
To make a wretch his treasure
How Great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns his face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my barking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything
No gift, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from his reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
To him I give all the glory and blessing that has been given to Corey and I. Its only because of him I remain strong daily and encouraged by his love and comfort.
" Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding:
" Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding:
In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6